Science Is Bullshit

What do you mean you're surprised to see me here, I'm a fucking duck!

You know how Chiropractors call themselves “doctors” (please notice sarcastic quotes). But if one of these “doctors” were in a crowded room and someone was having heart attack and the cry came out “Is there a doctor in the room???” these “doctors” would pee themselves a little bit and at best call 911 with their useless non-lifesaving hands. This is the same for scientists (I hope).

Lets say there is a group of scientists, Osamu Shimomura, Martin Chalfie, Roger Y. Tsien, who have just won the Nobel Prize for taking the ability of some jellyfish to glow green and transforming it into a ubiquitous tool of molecular biology to watch the dance of living cells and the proteins within them. They have spent years on this and actually may push the knowledge of humankind forward. Now lets say they go out to a bar and hear another group of scientists, British, drunk, hitting on 18 year olds, and also claiming to be scientists. They go over and ask these comrades what they are researching, what are they doing for mankind. The drunkest of the Brits takes a shot of Goldschlager and tells him about their work.

“The assumption has always been that rainy weather is good for ducks. Now a three-year study funded to the tune of £300,000 by the taxpayer has proved it.”

“Two scientists from the University of Oxford gave a lucky group of farm ducks access to a pond, a water trough and a shower. They discovered that the ducks spent an awful lot of time under the shower, sometimes just standing there, others drinking from it.”

This would be were I imagine the real scientists would smash a beer bottle on the Brits face while yelling, “Ducks like water??? Are you fucking kidding me??? You spent $450,000 to find out ducks like water?? They live in water; their sole purpose in life is to fly from one body of water to another!! The most famous bath toy in the world is a rubber ducky, Who funded this, the University of Phoenix??”

If I was a British taxpayer I would go to Oxford and burn it to the ground.

WTF!