Man, I thought Hot Wheels were cool!

What the? After seeing this sweet article and taking the red pill to see how deep the rabbit hole went, my crack team of investigators and I found the mother company behind these amazing toys.

The thing that had me laughing for about 30 straight seconds was the fact that they dubbed the Al-Qaeda inspired figure a “bandit” and in true Tarantino lore, called him: “Mr. White”. Aren’t 8 fragmentation grenades a bit excessive? Seems like after you tossed about 2-3 and people started firing back at you, the last thing you’d want dangling in front of your chest are 5-6 MORE grenades.

The WWII U.S Marine Sergeant and Army Sergeant are carrying the largest handgun I have ever seen. Seriously, it is almost the entire length of their leg. The Marine Sergeant has so much confidence in his handgun that he is holding his sub machine gun by the barrel! Balsy! Their stubble is quite popular seeing as to how both of them are backordered! (Who the eff is ordering these things? Must be Republicans)

Spy Bond isn’t back ordered because he looks like a French bitch!

The write up for the WWII German SS Major sounds convincing: “‘Vee haff vays of making you talk..’ The Major is the man you hope never to meet when you are captured behind enemy lines. Count your fingernails as you will have fewer after meeting him.” Jesus! Those SS seem like they don’t fuck around…Hmmm? Oh they in fact DIDN’T fuck around?? My bad. Double RPG’s too?!? That’s serious!

It’s cool for kids to play with these but Sean Avery gets suspended using the words “sloppy seconds”? Remember kids, kill, but don’t have sex!