You Gotta Be Kidding Me

This week's sign that the apocalypse is upon us.

Can’t we just age gracefully, for shit’s sake?

Welcome to the world of boomer grandparents — where there are plenty of Glammas and Grandudes and Grampsters but hardly a Grandma or Grandpa or Gran to be found.

Dear Lord. Hey Grampsters, you’re not teenagers anymore. Stop gramping their style! haha. Glammas? More like g-LAME-as. Grandudes? Shouldn’t you guys be called: “Gramma Rays” since you’re as old as the Big Bang??? Get it???

According to the AARP, baby boomers who have become grandparents are abandoning names like Poppa and Granny, which they say make them feel old.

News Flash: Cellular activity, natural muscle deterioration, dementia, and Alzheimer’s don’t give a damn what your new nickname is. I’m sure it’s a good idea to act like a teenager in front of your 10 year-old grandkid when you’re 2 sunsets away from dying from kidney failure. Good thinking.

there is even a book out — You Can Call Me Hoppa!: The Grandparents’ Guide to Choosing a Name That Fits.

Are you effing kidding me?!?! Is this being sold right next to ziplock bags of dirt??

His grandfather gave him the African name Andile; now a new name for Grandpa is in order. I’m thinking Afro-Pop just might do the trick.

Afro-Pop? Somebody please just kill me. Just walk up to me and shoot me square in the face. I beg you.