Wow.

Daaaaamn. That is street!

I’ve heard of some stupid shit in my day, but I’m convinced that Spencer Pratt (the guy dating Rosemary’s baby, Heidi Montag) would have a hard time beating a stone at a game of “Rocks, Paper, Scissors”.

I’ve always known that I secretly am the hottest rapper in the game.

Yes, Spencer Pratt said that. To make sure it sank in, I’m going to repeat it.

I’ve always known that I secretly am the hottest rapper in the game.

For the past 5 hours, I have tried to think of a more egregious statement of inaccuracy in the history of mankind, and sadly, I have not been able to. (Yes, I am aware that some people still think the world is flat.)

I’m the white Jay-Z in the game. I’m doing the baller thing. I’m more for the streets.

Oh my god….Instead of wasting the last 5 hours of my life searching the halls of human stupidity, I could have just kept reading this article to find a statement more flagrantly counterfactual than the previous one. I never thought Spencer Pratt would actually make me want to kill myself, until today. Spencer, Stephen Hawking is more “street” than you. The Von Trapp family is more “Street” than you. River beds are more “street” than you.

The only person I’m really feeling in the game right now is Soulja Boy and Gucci Mane.

What the fuck? Are those people? They sound like characters in a South African version of Sesame Street.

Heidi and I are a team. We’ll be going on tour together. She’s my #1, like Biggie and Lil’ Kim back in the day.

You’re just like ‘em, Spencer. Juuuuuust like ‘em. Anyone have some arsenic? I need a drink.