Road Head: Not So Fun Anymore

Yeah. Ouch.

Getting a blow jobby job while operating a moving vehicle used to be one of those “things” you had to get done along the road of your sex life, along with joining the mile high club (Overrated. Nearly tore a hammy trying to maneuver in that shoe box. And my penis touched the sink and the wall. I’m sure I got 42,653 diseases right then and there), being in a threesome (Yes, I wished it was 2 chicks too but just because it was me, a girl and another guy doesn’t mean that I didn’t have a threesome), and having a girl do you in the butt with a strap on (it’s weird, I’m the only one of my friends who has gotten this one! The tears were worth it. And they filmed me getting it so they can never say that I don’t have this one checked off! Idiots!).

But it seems as if this road head thing is beginning to get a bit dangerous. Anytime you can actually have your penis severed during a sex checklist moment, we might want to think about taking it off the sex checklist.

He described how, shortly after parking, the car started to ’shake violently’ – but then was hit by the van. He said that the woman screamed loudly, with her mouth covered in blood.

Fuck. that. Arm wrestling Lucifer in the pits of hell, with the threat of having Paula Abdul’s brain for eternal damnation on the line wouldn’t be more terrifying than this.