In Other News, BroWTF Told You So!

Cock? No Cock?? Find Out at Eleven

ABC News today reported that Swine Flu is not as bad as originally reported.

NO SHIT!!! It’s the fucking flu, just like we said. Even though ABC gets some credit for saying this, they only deserve about as much credit as a monkey for learning not to eat his own shit. I say this because the headline on ABC was “Swine Flu Death Ebbs, but Could Come Back Strong” They want you to know your safe. . . . . for now, but so help you God, at the drop of a hat, this non-deadly, mildly annoying flu could return. . . ONLY WORSE!

The news nowadays is like a Thai hooker:

First they try to frighten you into wanting the information they’ve got.

Hooker: If you don’t pay me another $100 bucks, I’m telling your wife you just got a blowjob by a tranny.

News: Swine Flu will kill you by sundown; find out how to save yourself after the break.

Fair enough, they have your attention at this point. Now you need to know more. You’re scared. Are you going to die? Is it deadly? Did you just get the worlds greatest BJ from a dude or a chick? Are you gay now? I mean, it was amazing! You need to know more.

You To Hooker: Please Sir/Ma’am; show me what’s under that skirt (not a cock, please God not a cock, I can’t believe I did this again!).

You to News: Tell me if I’m going to die you sons of bitches!!

In the end it turns out you were worried for nothing

Hooker: Ah, you caught me, its an inny, no outty”

News: Swine flu will kill you by sundown. . . if you have AIDS, and fuck a pig in Mexico while eating a milkshake made of its shit, other than that though, you are safe.

It all leaves you feeling cheap and manipulated. Well fuck you news, and fuck you Thai hooker, take your fake cock stories somewhere else.