Facts Don’t Always = News, People!

Until this is the hair of the Prince of England, we don't need to talk about it.

The sun is hot. Water is wet. Men like a finger in their butt during sex. These are all examples of facts that aren’t news. We don’t need to report them. Everyone knows they’re 100% truth. The Daily Telegraph, however, wants to add a 4th fact.

Prince Harry has not washed his hair for two years, it has been claimed.

So. fucking. what?

I love the “it has been claimed” statement as if this is something that really needs more attention. You use “it has been claimed” when you receive a self made video of some guy running out of Area 51 with tracer bullets being fired over his head as he screams into his camera, Blairwitch style while holding the leg of an alien. Your sentence might read, “Alien’s exist, it has been claimed.”

Many people believe in the benefits of not using shampoo as hair will self-clean itself if left alone for at least a week.

Oh great. And many men in sub-Saharan African believe that AIDS is all mental. Maybe we should listen to them too. The only people that believe in the benefits of not washing their hair are either homeless or hobos and to be honest, I don’t think either of those groups should be giving advice about hair care.