You Sir, Are An Idiot!

A different kind of flaming spider

The word of the day is overkill.

Firefighters say the man, in his 40s, had been trying to set fire to the spider as it crawled up the front of the semi-detached property. But sparks reached material behind the cladding and caused a fire within the walls, shortly before midnight. Three fire engines raced to the scene in Portsmouth, Hants, and found the man trying to put out the flames with a garden hose.

Honestly, the firemen should have gotten there; made sure the fire didn’t spread to any neighboring houses and just watched this dipshit’s house burn to the ground. First of all, who tries to light a spider on fire? Is this guy half dragon? Second of all, what the fuck was he thinking????

“Hey, there’s a spider, how should I kill it? Come on, think man. . . . Fly swatter? I mean that would kill it but it’s not a fly, maybe I should keep looking. Oh here, a magazine, yeah, I’ve seen people on TV kill spiders with a rolled up magazine. Damn it, this Reader’s Digest is too small! Why do I read such douchey magazines? BINGO, I’ll set it on fire, just like I do to animals on World of Warcraft.”

I can only hope, with all my heart, that the spider A) lived, B) is pregnant, and C) is waiting in your basement to attack you.