Worst. Companion. Ever.

This guy looks like a keeper!

This article made me rub the ache out of my eyes. A) Why do we give a fuck about this woman? B) Why do we give a fuck about this woman? With all due respect.

She grew up in Alexandria, Ind., a place that lays claim to the largest ball of dried paint in the world.

Wow! Konrad Marshall literally had no idea what to write, did he?

So this woman married homeless guys? Hmm, I can’t ever imagine why those relationships didn’t stand the test of time. How does that relationship even begin?

“So, what do you do?”

“I live in this here box.”

“That’s swell! We should date.”

Gay dudes? Two of them? Married to them?!?! What the fuck is the matter with her?? Why is one of her husband’s padlocking the fridge shut? Konrad Marshall, now I want answers!! I want the truth!

“It’s easy to sum up,” she said of her life. “When I was younger I was just a snot-nosed kid, but the neighborhood boys were all in love with me. They all wanted to marry me.”

Even the homeless chaps? Amazing. I’m sure a homeless guy would marry a brick wall if it had a hole in it. And now we’re supposed to feel bad for her because she’s lonely? Bitch, you had 23 chances…I think the statement goes, “Everyone deserves a second chance.” Even Weebay on The Wire deserves a second chance (barely). You must have eaten Lucifer’s ass to get 23. Linda, it’s time to reap the sewings, as the kids say. You, my dear, are the worst companion in history.