Alabama, Do You Now Understand Why No One Respects You?

If Alabama had its way

Let’s give the Alabama State Legislature an ‘atta-boy’ for feverishly defending the Constitution and working tirelessly to give the great(?) people of Alabama all of the chances to pursue life, liber- What the fuck?

A resolution?!?! My friend Vincent Laguardia Gambini once went to Alabama and he got mud in his tires and as far as I know, this phenomenon is still unresolved. How about you get a resolution passed to fix that problem instead of:

The Alabama House has approved a resolution that praises Miss USA contestant Carrie Prejean for speaking out against gay marriage.

I wish upon high that I was making this up. What the hell actually goes on in Alabama that this is brought up in the house? Are things so good in Alabama that the representatives lay around like the Ancient Roman Senate, drinking wine all day, wondering who else they can conquer? 15% of people in Alabama can’t read! Christ, the last thing I remember about Alabama was Remember the Titans.

I seriously wouldn’t be surprised if you drove through Alabama and visually witnessed slavery still happening in broad day light. Like Ancient Egyptian slavery. People whipping dudes pushing boulders around.

WTF.