You Couldn’t Fake An Orgasm Instead?

Fooooooled you! You fell for the olderst trick in the book!

Fooooooled you! I can't believe you fell for the oldest trick in the book!

Let me guess. This woman doesn’t have a plethora of contacts in her cell phone. Not too many girl’s nights out. Not too many, how do you say in English…friends? Because why in the name of Zeus’s butthole would you ever fake a miscarriage? I’m still not even clear if this woman is even pregnant (and if she is, who is impregnating this person?!?!)

Was she lonely? Like lonely like the guy from Se7en who was deemed a sloth?

Upon arrival, they learned a woman staged the incident using what authorities described only as “animal tissue.”

Animal tissue. That’s an interesting combination of words that you don’t hear too often, isn’t it? Is it any surprise that a woman who is willing to fake an miscarriage might also have disemboweled an innocent animal to make the prank more believable? But I mean, the cops weren’t even tricked. Upon arrival? That’s pretty quick. Ok, what do we have here? This woman had a miscarriage? Let me take a lo- Nope. That’s animal tissue. I’m sure of it.

End of story. What the fuck.

In case you’re keeping score at home in the three state battle for incomprehensibility superiority, it’s pretty tight between Florida (this story), Texas and Ohio (every other story).