Here! Look At My Nuts!

Women don't love this

Women wear pushup bras because they get free drinks. Women wear push up bras to get jobs. Women wear push up bras to hopefully marry a rich man so they don’t have to work another day in their lives. Men are mesmerized with boobs. They are round. They are spherical. They give us life. They are perfect. They are our alpha and omega. I get it.

Now, I by no means have the map to the three dimensional M.C. Escher labyrinth that is, the female brain, but I’m prrrrretty sure that they are not turned on by cocks and balls pressing out against the inside of your pants. In fact, I think they call guys like that: gross.

Women turn their faces from erect penises, in most circumstances. 2 saggy bags of mush below a suddenly growing crooked veiny spire with a purple top is not exactly eye candy for a woman or for anyone for that matter. I mean, I love my own Blathazar, but I don’t ever get lost in its gaze.

So listen up Roland Lodoli, you crazy son of bitch. I don’t know what kind of Eastern European nonsense you got going on in Zagreb, but we don’t need a bathing suit that has us on the verge of getting arrested for indecency every time we go to the beach. WTF!