All Time WORST Collection Of Headlines

WTF?

Normally, right about now I’d be finishing dinner, trying to convince my girlfriend to tea bag me while I jerk off to Survivor Man or something like that. Instead I’m going to point out the ALL TIME WORST COLLECTION OF HEADLINES…..EVER. CNN, I hate you.

The following articles show up on CNN.com RIGHT NOW:

1. Dad finds daughter he thought was dead.

2. Kutcher leads CNN on Twitter.

3. Five great burger joints worth traveling for.

4. Hulk Hogan: My O.J. comments misunderstood.

5. ‘Dog’ says he doesn’t want to forget racial slur.

6. 2-inch tree grew in guy’s lung, docs say.

7. Last Titanic survivor selling momentos.

8. Send in your vintage postcards.

9. Cheer coach fired for Playboy photos.

10. Couple finds body in kitchen, buries it.

FUCKING WHAT? F.U.C.K.I.N.G. W.H.A.T.! “Send in your vintage postcards?” Are you kidding me?

I don’t know which absurd piece of non-news blows my mind more, but next time I find a fucking dead guy on my kitchen floor I’m definitely taking his ass outside and burying him. Fuck the po-lice, I’ll handle that shit myself. WTF!!