Somebody Please Kill Me

She has 3 more shows than you

I didn’t know:

A) That Tori Spelling was alive.

B) Who the heck Dean McDermott was.

C) That they had their own reality show for three seasons.

D) That the Oxygen network was still allowed to broadcast a television signal.

E) That C + D = a brand new 4th season of their “reality” show. (For the record, The Wire only had 5 seasons).

F) That the Oxygen Network thought it was a good idea to give Tori Spelling and her husband TWO MORE SHOWS on top of this.

G) That the Oxygen Network was being run by the worst decision maker this side of Maurice Clarett.

H) That Tori Spelling was in 47 films/shows other than 90210.

I) That Tori Spelling and her husband are qualified to give advice on how to use a toaster oven let alone qualified to give marriage advice after just 3 years of marriage.

J) That Tori Spelling and her husband are qualified to give married couples advice on how they look. It would be like Quentin Tarantino advising singers on how to sing. Wait…

K) What I was supposed to do in response to these 10 signs of the Apocalypse, so I killed a goat and smeared blood all over the outside of my door. I think I read that somewhere.

L) That I could get to L.

WTF.