Can I Buy Pirate Stock????

Jeez, you really gotta hand it to pirates. The day after going for the green in two on a par 5 (attacking an American ship) but landing in the drink (being served up 3 Navy SEAL bullets to the face), the pirate community decided to “lay up” on the next par 5 (attacking a Greek ship).

I’m pretty sure Shiloh Pitt-Jolie and Freida Pinto could take control of a Greek vessel wielding nothing but a plastic fork and a rubber ducky. I’m surprised the Greeks allow ships to ever be undocked with all the naps, ouzo and tzatziki sauce to be had by the crew. Are the Greeks really going to worry about losing the cargo? “Fuck it. It’s olive oil. Have it.”

Pirates, I’m sure you were jazzed up because your commander showed you the “Inches” speech from Any Given Sunday before your attack on the U.S. ship. Shit, I would be too! But let this be a lesson, “claw with your finger nails” by attacking Greek ships and you will be fine. Don’t fuck with a country that has a group of people called “SEALS”. Haven’t you seen Executive Decision? Even when we lost Segal, a paralyzed Joe Morton, a fat Oliver Platt and an ordinary Kurt Russell were able to defeat the terrorists. Why? Because they had Navy SEALS on the fucking plane, that’s why!