Teenagers Are Idiots

What's not to trust???

Goodness me! Is that Cynthia Nixon’s girlfriend? I would rather be seduced to a cookout by Hannibal Lecter.

I realize that you are quite impressionable when you are in high school and that life can be quite boring without weed and alcohol but for shit’s sake kids, have some self-control! She was not selling you Helen of Troy covered in heroin lollipops. It’s just weed and booze! I’ve had harder times finding a good avocado.

Boys and girls, why are you just not banging each other and getting your booze from bootleggers and your weed from normal drug dealers? A good rule of thumb is to stay away from wheel chair bound monsters who look like Ursula from The Little Mermaid.