Oh Good

No one ever really wants to know where their food comes from. If you did, you would probably choose to starve to death. Take for instance, your meat. I dare you to watch this. I’m sure that none of this is TOO much of a surprise. Afterall, we have a hard enough time looking at a pimple faced dude at Burger King who is putting our Whopper together, and he is literally the LAST cog in the chain from cow to your mouth.

We would much rather take a Whopper that was pre made, already wrapped and sitting in one of the heating bins. Just knowing that you can see the exact drugged out 16-year old kid who had his grubby paws all over what you are about to eat makes us uncomfortable for some reason. (Amazing how those Hibachi restaurants remain so popular. We trust the Japanese apparently. Very honorable society, I guess.)

But anyhow, to my point. Heeeeeeere’s your favorite state again in the news! TEXAS BABY! Not only are they unsure if evolution should be taught in schools, it turns out that “God’s best” creation in the Lone Star state also has no problem with dead rats, rat shit, and bird feathers mixed in with your peanuts either. Yummy!

The Texas Department of State Health Services on Thursday ordered the recall of all products ever shipped from the Peanut Corporation of America’s plant in Plainview, Texas.

Ever? Jeez. That can’t be good. How shotty of an opertaion are you running that on the same day you cut the ribbon and open your plant, there are rats festering, shitting and dying in the vents above where the peanuts are mixed? Let alone explaining the feathers.

The state has the authority to stop a company’s operations and order a recall if it finds “a condition that poses an immediate and serious threat to human life or health,” as was the case here, he said.

Is this supposed to be comforting? Texas has the authority to stop things from happening that might kill its people? Phew! I think Penguin colonies have been using the same logic for millions of years. I’m glad to see that things are running tip top in Austin.

Maybe there’s no such thing as peanut allergies after all? Maybe it was the fact that our bodies had a difficult time processing rotting rat with a side of shit? Who knew?